Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
