My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love you. Go after that dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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