im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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