a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
