If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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