I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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