Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
