Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
