he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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