some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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