Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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