is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
