just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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