So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
