She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
