Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
