I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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