you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
