sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dear god my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize