i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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