Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
