Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it's great music for shaving your balls
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
