I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
