I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
