i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
