apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
