Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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