This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
