In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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