i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
