Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
