To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
