I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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