Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
