Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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