Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
