just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
