My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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