He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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