i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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