I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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