alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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