he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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