1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
