There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
