God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
try to milk me bitch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
