Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
