he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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