Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dont even know how to be here
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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