My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
