ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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