i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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