I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
