I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
