I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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