ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
