I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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