escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Boobs speak an international language.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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