After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
