Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
