Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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