I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
