Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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