I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
