i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
