Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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