And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
