Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
