I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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