I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bring money and cleavage
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
