they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
