College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
