If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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