im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize