Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to stop coming to work sober
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
