It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
