Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
