I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize