The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
