but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
